Engagement photos!!

Hey guys, so we finally got our engagement photos taken!! Yes yes, I know, we're getting married next month, but better late than never! Pics are on weddingwire.com/mcpherson2westerbeck and also on my Facebook page as well. Hope you all enjoy them!

Now for more planning! ;)

Wedding update!

This blog was my way of communicating with my friends and family in the States during my student missionary year... but now, this blog will be my way of keeping you all informed for the wedding!

These last few months have been extremely busy for me with all of the planning, but I want you all to know what's going on no matter how busy I get.

I had no idea how much planning I had ahead of me when Ronnie asked me to marry him. What I've had to realize is that there will always be things to think/stress about, but my dear friend Mrs. Burrus told me to make sure not to get so caught up with planning and stressing that I miss the joy in the process. (Very smart lady) :)

So, that is exactly what I plan to do. This includes more planning, less stressing, and lots of God time. :)

For the update... Ronnie and I are planning on getting our engagement photos taken this Friday, but the weather isn't looking that great. We need a picture to put on the invitations...so, please pray for no rain!! :)

Thanks again for all your love and support!!

The Scars Spread

The burden I feel for each and every child here at the Hogar keeps getting deeper and deeper. The more I learn about the child who was sexually abused by his/her father, the brother and sister who’s mother is a witch, the child who feels useless in this world, and the child who says they do not to believe in God anymore, just makes my heart weigh heavy with a deeper hurt than I have felt in a very long time.

When I walked into the student mission’s office I had no idea what I was signing up for… I really honestly did not. I’m not exactly sure what I had in mind when I signed up, but I just knew that God would lead me through anything and everything. This has not been a vacation in any sense of the word… to the contrary… I live in the mountains with sex offenders within walking distance in all directions of the Hogar. When I go into town I put up with men saying rude, crude, and vulgar comments, and sometimes even going to the extent of touching me. My personality has gotten stronger, my tongue quicker, and my skin has gotten a little thicker as well.

I want to be the one to tell you all that it’s not always happy sunshine and rainbows here in the mission field… there is deep and heavy stuff that goes on behind the scenes, and it’s tough to deal with on a daily basis, but that is why I am here… to be a shining light where light doesn’t normally shine. I absolutely love these kids and I have felt such a burden for them to be happy and healthy again. All of the kids here need intensive therapy, but do they get it? No, they get happy devotional songs and get in trouble when they don’t sing. I don’t think I would want to sing either if I had been through the same things these children have been through in their young lives.

I feel so helpless, not just because I only have 4 ½ weeks left to work with these kids, but also because I am not trained to deal with troubled children. Even if my Spanish was up to par… all I can do is pray, and talk to them with my horrible grammar and laugh and play with them because they’re not comfortable enough to open up to me.

These kids are crying out for help that I do not know how to give them… I want to make the best of the time I have left, but what about after I leave, after all of the volunteers leave? What happens then? I believe with my whole heart that God brought me here to Honduras with the exact group that is here right now for reasons that are so much bigger than me. God has such a plan for my life that it scares me, yet excites me all at the same time. I trust that God will take care of the kids that have opened their hearts and minds to leaving their pasts behind and who are striving to do better, and to have a relationship with Him. However, it is still going to be so difficult to leave these kids to go home to my easy life.

On top of the problems that these kids have engraved in their hearts and minds, they have to see volunteer after volunteer stay long enough to get attached, and then leave. That’s horrible… these kids need more full time staff here and therapy! Their scars are not going to go away without any help.

When I was at Southern Adventist University sitting for the two “pointless” hours in the Student Missionary class, I listened to former student missionaries say time and time again, “my year away was the most life changing event of my whole entire life, I will never regret my decision to go serve.” I sat there, secretly doubting and thinking that they were just trying to make their stories sound more dramatic. I understand now… they were not exaggerating. Especially working with troubled children who all have different personalities, different things that make them tick, and different things that set the tears falling… my eyes have been opened, my heart broken, and a new love has been unleashed from my heart, and I know it’s from God.

I need prayer… I want to do as much as possible in my time left here. I feel like a lot of time went to waste looking over things, brushing things under the carpet, but it’s time that things come to the surface and the healing begins…

God is in control, but there is a visual battle that is going on for the souls of each and every child here…I want to see these children excel, but most importantly, I want to see them in heaven…

-Laurel

“Profesora Laura”

School's back in session! I woke up this morning at 5:15, hit snooze, and finally rolled out of bed at 5:25 and was in the kitchen fixing breakfast by 5:30! It’s only 11:30 right now and I have already taken a shower, fixed breakfast, attended morning devotional, ate breakfast, and taught one English class today. I actually enjoy my days more now that school is back in session. The busy schedule keeps me occupied, and I like it better this way.

I have been teaching the Kindergarten English class since the 15th of this month and I absolutely love it! I was really nervous about teaching at first and wondered if I would know enough Spanish to get by. However, with the help of my roommate, Hannah, I went into class the first day with my whole introduction written out. Ha. It was a little rough the first day with my Spanish, but after that it started getting a lot easier. I love hearing, “Profesora, profesora!” and then realizing they’re talking to me! I have to hand it to teachers… it’s not an easy job, that’s for sure. Maybe the hours are good, and only in the mornings, but I just teach one English class and then help out with other classes for about 2 hours after that, and by the end of the morning I am so exhausted! After having this opportunity, I am pretty sure that I want to change my major to Music Education – Keyboard emphasis. Exhausting days or not, teaching and music are my two passions, so why not put them together?

There are two brothers in the kindergarten class named Kevin and David. It is very obvious from the wear and tear and stains on their old uniforms that they come from a very poor family. The culture here does not involve much discipline either, so that doesn’t help much. I must have carried Kevin back to his chair about 10 times this morning . Then I realized he liked being carried so I tried the, “I don’t see you game” but that didn’t work either… ha. By that time the other professor saw him, and called him back to his seat, he listened to her and sort of mockingly smirked at me while walking back to his seat. Who knew kindergarteners could be so sly and mischievous!

I am going to miss it here so much. One of the teachers that I work with lived in Texas for 15 years. She is just here now because her mother is sick. We speak in English every morning and she always helps me out if I don’t know how to say something while teaching. This morning when I was about to leave the school, she stopped me and we talked for about 10 or so minutes about the kids, about her home in Texas, and just things like that. I told her when I was leaving for home and she told me that she would really miss me. I am really going to miss her too. Every morning when I’m getting ready to leave after teaching she stops me and tells me how much she appreciates my help. I teach one English class from 7:50 a.m.- 8:10 a.m. and then stay until the kids leave at 11 helping out with the other classes after mine. My mornings are long, but it is so nice to be appreciated and needed… that’s not something I absolutely need to be told, but it sure is nice…

It is so strange to think that I will be coming home in less than two months. I have such mixed feelings about the whole thing… I know that I won’t be able to stay away for too long. I know that I will be back to visit these kids because part of my heart is here, and there’s nothing I can do about that now. Yes, there are hard days when I do not want to be here, but I have grown so used to waking up here, going through my daily activities/duties that it will be so strange going back to the “American ways”. The whole pace of life is so much more relaxed here, and I’m going to miss that. Sure, there are things that I miss about the States… like my home, my family, and my friends… I miss American food, and I miss being at school. However, when I think about being anywhere else than here it just seems so strange. It’s definitely going to be hard to go through reversed culture shock when arriving back home… I will be very happy to see my friends and family, but I have a feeling that God has more traveling plans for me in my future… I’ve got the traveling bug now. I have such a desire to travel, to visit, to see, and to experience, that I just have to do something about it!

This summer I will be leaving for my Europe trip May 17th and will be going to Germany, France, Switzerland, and Scotland, and returning back to the states on June 9th. In the same month, I will leave to work at a summer camp in Alaska for a month and a half! I made a deal with God, and the deal went a little something like this, “as long as you keep opening the doors, I’ll keep walking through them…” I really didn’t think that I would be able to work at the summer camp this next summer, however, God had different plans for me, and I am so glad He did!

These past months have been so draining yet amazing… spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. Draining in all ways possible, and amazing in how much I have grown and changed as a person, and in my relationship with God. I am nowhere near perfect, but I have been learning so much, and I’m so grateful for that.

A Change...

Yesterday was one of the most impacting days of my life, and of my stay here in Honduras… it all started when Hannah and I were supervising chores, and for the most part, the girls were on track, and doing everything fine… when we supervise chores, we walk around, making sure everyone is doing what they’re supposed to be doing, and we help them here and there with their chores as well. As I was walking out of the kitchen, some of the younger boys started whistling at me. This has been an ongoing problem, and I turned around, and knew exactly which boy whistled at me. I called them out by name, Mainor, and his brother Roberto, but they just laughed… when Hannah saw what I was trying to deal with, she came over and asked them, “Would you whistle at Marie Josie?” and of course they said, “No.” Then they argued that I “liked” it, and then Hannah turned to me and said, “Do you like it?” and of course, I said, “No.” Hannah kept talking to them about their disrespect, and I went back to the room… when Hannah came back, she was in tears. I asked her what happened, and she told me that after I had left, Karla, the older sister to the two boys who were whistling, came out and started back talking to Hannah. She said, “Hannah, this is the culture, you just have to get used to it” and Hannah argued that she’s not Honduran, and does not appreciate that kind of attention. After that, Karla called her the Spanish equivalent of “stupid” and Hannah just walked away…

Before all of this happened, I was walking around checking up on the girls, and Karla started saying something about me, and then she asked if I understood what she had said, and I said, “No.” Then she proceed to say, “Praise God!”. I knew she had said something pretty bad because the other girls standing around her were not laughing, and looked a little on the shocked side. Later one of the girls who was there came to my room… and I asked her to tell Hannah what Karla said, so that Hannah could translate it to me. I don’t even want to mention what she said, because it was on the crude side, and I'd rather not repeat it. When I found out what she said, I was furious, hurt, and genuinely upset. I know the girls especially like to talk about us volunteers behind our backs, but, in front of me? Just because I don’t understand… that’s nerve, and a good dose of disrespect. Hannah and I knew that we couldn’t just let these things slide, so we told Marie Josie about everything, and she said that she would talk to them before devotional. Hannah felt impressed to write a letter to read to everyone during devotional, and mentioned that to Marie Josie… and at first she wasn’t too sure about the idea, but Hannah said that she really felt impressed to share it. The letter contained reasons why students go out as student missionaries, and how it’s hard to leave friends, family, and leave our first language and comfort zones. She mentioned how it hurts to see the kids have so much disrespect not just to us volunteers, but to each other… she mentioned how hard it is to be here, and to try our hardest to be kind, only to have that kindness shoved back into our faces… and the day to day struggles we have to face with the petty drama that takes place over silly little things… also that she wants the best for all of them, and how hard it must be for Marie Josie, Txus, and Senor Gus, who have given up years of their lives for these kids, and still put up with the disrespect on a daily basis…
Well, devotional time came around, and was coming to a close when Marie Josie got up and called out all of the kids who had treated us with disrespect that day. She called out, by name, the boys, and Karla. She made a point to say that that kind of behavior was not appreciated by all Hondurans, and that not all Honduran men behave in such ways. After that she called Hannah up to read her letter. Hannah had previously read it to me in the room, and I was just praying that the kids would open their hearts to what Hannah had to say. Half way through, Hannah started to cry, but God helped her stay strong to finish reading the letter. When Hannah started crying, so did I. I looked over, and Marie Josie was crying too. After Hannah finished, Marie Josie came up and said, “sometimes, even after 13 years, I still feel some of the same feelings Hannah described in her letter…” she started crying, and couldn’t finish, so Nelson (the head of REACH International in Honduras) came up and took over for her. He asked for the kids to come up in front and one by one to apologize to the staff and all the volunteers. Sure enough, one by one, some came quickly with no problem, but then things settled down a little, and the room had more of a serious atmosphere about it. I thought that some would come up, and just say a quick “forgive me”, but that really wasn’t the case. These kids started pouring their hearts out, and when they came up, even some of the boys started crying, and asking Marie Josie to forgive them for their disrespect over the years. There was a spiritual battle going on in that devotional room. It was so powerful to experience and to see God working on their hearts. We sat through close to an hour of children going up one by one, crying, and asking forgiveness… it was such an emotional experience for me to see the kids like that, and being able to see God working in their hearts right in front of my eyes. I couldn’t help but cry, and that was the first time they had seen me cry. Karla kept looking back at me, and each time, her facial expressions became softer and softer, until she was crying too. She went up to ask for special forgiveness from Hannah and me, and I couldn’t keep it together. I was sobbing at that point. Some of the kids who I did not expect to cry, were crying the hardest. Nelson waited for everyone to apologize. It took awhile, and some seemed more sincere than others, but all apologized out of the 50 some kids that are here at the Hogar. I’m not sure that I’ve mentioned Kenya in any of my previous blogs, but she is one of the girls that is so incredibly hard to get close to, because she pushes people away. She’s tough, quick tempered, and has a sharp tongue. I think she’s 12 years old, but you would never guess it by her size. She’s small but spunky. She used to absolutely hate me, and didn’t want anything to do with me. I started just playing off every bad thing she said to me by saying to her, “you want a hug, don’t you?”. She used to just give me evil looks when I would say that, but over the months, those looks have turned into laughter, and playing around with me, altho' never receiving a hug from her in the end. Friday afternoon, Kenya walked passed me, and poked me in the side, and I chased after her, asking how many hugs she wanted from me this time! She actually was having fun with it, and saying, “umm, 10! I want 10 hugs today!” but then running away from me giggling… but once again, never actually receiving a hug.

Last night, it took some of the kids the whole hour to get the courage to go up in front to apologize and Kenya was one of them. She had been crying close to the whole hour. I could tell that there were two powers fighting for her. She kept looking back at Hannah, Amanda, and me, and then looking down and crying some more. Near the very end, she got up, and while crying she asked for forgiveness. Kenya has a stronger will than some 80 year olds, and for her to go up there and say that she was sorry was one of the most powerful moments of the night. After the meeting was over, kids came one by one to apologize personally. I wasn’t expecting that at all. Over 10 kids came to apologize to me, crying, and just wanting to know that they were still loved. Some said that they were sorry, and some just cried and wanted to be held. Karla asked to be forgiven for the way she had been treating me, and I was like a proud mother with happy tears gushing out of my eyes. Right when I thought that no one else was going to apologize, I saw Kenya walking towards me with great big tears in her eyes. She didn’t say anything… she just walked up to me, and for the first time in 5 months, wrapped her arms around me, and started crying. I held on to her for as long as she let me, and we just stood there, hugging and crying together.

Saying, “I’m sorry, please forgive me”, is such a new thing to these kids. They have been through so much hurt and pain that has caused them to have hard outer shells. It gave me such happiness to see that God is working on their hearts, and that they’re listening. As the kids were coming up to me afterwards asking for forgiveness, I realized how much I really do care and love these kids, no matter how much they talk behind my back, no matter how much attitude they give me, and no matter how much they make fun of the way I say a Spanish word… I absolutely love these kids, and I want so much for them to have respect for themselves, and to not settle for the least of what they know they can be.
Everything about last night reminds me of God’s forgiveness towards us… we treat Him with such disrespect on some days, blame things on Him, and question if He’s really there for us, but God is always there waiting with His arms wide open when we come to Him with tears in our eyes, and asking for forgiveness…

Last night will forever be in my mind, and I pray that the change continues in the lives of these children, and that they continue to let God work out His plans in their lives…

Ephesians 4:32

“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

God is in control...

These past five months have not been easy in any sense of the word…I am wearing out, getting tired, losing my patience, and just trying to hold on to my sanity for my sake, and for the sake of those around me as well. Ha.

The two girls who were talking about running away ended up staying… however, we thought for sure that they were going to be gone the next morning… my roommate and I stayed up talking and crying with one of the girls, and we never thought we would see her again. It was an emotional roller-coaster, but she, and her friend, ended up staying… I don’t know if it was something that we said to her, or if she was just wanting to see what our reaction would be… who knows, but I am just so glad that she is still here, and she will be continuing with school soon as well.

The kids get mad over silly things… like how much food I serve on their plates… it’s always too much, or too little, never just right. I sometimes just come back to my room and laugh at the things they get themselves worked up about. Like I said, I’m trying to keep my sanity! It’s not easy on some days… and other days, they are all in great moods, and everyone is happy. I know that these kids have been through more than I ever wish to know, and that they are so sensitive, but it’s still emotionally draining.

A few weeks ago I was asked to teach the Kindergarten English classes which made me so happy! I have been here for five months, helping out with chores, kitchen duty, pool duty, and little things here and there, but nothing like teaching! I know that the little things count too, but I always felt like I should/could be doing more… and I’m so glad that I will now have an opportunity to teach. I finished making up all of my lesson plans today… I still have some details to work out as far as the class activities go, however, I am well on my way to being finished with them.

Lately I have really felt God close to me, and working in my life… First off, being asked to teach Kindergarten English was a huge answer to prayer, and I am scared/excited to start teaching! I know God will help me through.

Also, last week I was talking to my friend Lauren, she’s a student missionary in Majuro right now. I was chatting with her on facebook when she mentioned that she was planning on working at a summer camp in Alaska this summer! She told me that I should check it out, and see if I could work there too! I just laughed at her because I already had my summer plans made up in my head. Work, then Europe, then back home to take summer classes/work, and then back to Southern. Not to mention that I wouldn’t be getting back home from Europe until the 9th of June, and most summer camps have already started by then. I told her all of this, and just said, “haha, you’re funny Lauren, there’s no way that’s a possibility… I don’t have the money for that, and I’ve already purchased my ticket for Germany, so I will need to get a job to pay for that trip! Sorry, it sounds like fun though!” Well, she didn’t give up as easily as I thought she would… she kept talking about it, and told me that this camp in Alaska didn’t start until late June and that they pay really well, and that I would earn enough at the camp to cover my Europe trip! She told me to just email the camp director, and see what happens… well, I agreed to that...I figured there was no harm in one email. I emailed Laurie, the camp director, that same night after talking to Lauren. I told her about myself, what I was interested in, and what I was currently doing, along with three references. I prayed a lot about it, and called my parents and talked a little to them about it. I was really excited about the possibility, but still had no idea how it would ever work. Well, the next morning I sent the email to Laurie, and within minutes I had a reply from her! She said that there were female counselor positions open, and that if I was serious about wanting to work there to send in an application as soon as possible! As soon as I read the message I knew that that was what God wanted me to pursue this summer. I called my mom and told her, and I started the application process. I spent a good three hours filling out the online application, and when I finished, I plugged back into the Ethernet cord, but in order to get to the online application, I had to first create an account, and when I unplugged, it logged me out of the site! So, you can only imagine what happened next… I went to send the application in, and I pressed the button to send it, and nothing but an error page popped up saying that I was no longer logged in! I was so upset… I hadn’t saved the application information anywhere else. Three hours of my day were gone, wasted. I was so discouraged… Well, later that day, my mom went to the camp site, and saw that it said it’s location was in Idaho! Laurie wanted me to email the application to her, not into the website… so, that was a blessing in disguise! I tried several different ways to get my application filled out… however, there is no scanner or fax machine here, and so I was so discouraged… after filling out my application several times, and losing it over three times in one day, I was done. I was wondering if God even wanted me to go to Alaska after all. I talked with my roommate, Hannah, and she said, “why don’t you send the information to your mom, and have her fill it out for you, and scan and send it to Laurie?” I couldn’t believe how simple she had just made my predicament! So, I did just that. Before the application was even sent, I had an email waiting from Laurie saying that my references were checking out really good, and that she needed my birth date and middle name to book a ticket for me!! I was so excited to hear that… my mom sent the application to her, but I haven’t heard anything more yet… so, now I’m just waiting for the “officially official” message.

Please pray about my summer plans, because I want God's will for my life, and I know that I had my whole summer planned out, but it seems as though God had/has other plans for me! I still have no idea how I am going to afford all of my traveling this summer, but I know that God will provide… the last thing I want to do is worry…

Thank you all for your prayers! Love you all!

Laurel

P.S. One of the volunteer’s parents just arrived, and when Shearin found out they were coming, she asked all of us student missionaries what we “needed”… well, I replied with Fire Cheetos, and M&M’s! Obviously I thought very long and hard about what I needed…haha, I thought that I would pay her parents back, but Shearin just delivered the “goodies” to my door, and said not to worry about a thing! I am super happy right now! Ha ha! Who knew American junk food could make me so happy? Lol…

Another good part of my day… I was playing soccer with the kids, and I hadn’t been playing for more than maybe 30 minutes, and the ball was kicked right to me… I took my shot, and kicked the ball towards the goal, and I made it!! I made my first goal since being here! Haha, took me long enough! Well, I should say, my first goal during a bigger game. It was quite a surprise to me AND to my teammates! However, there were no complaints on either end… :)

And, just to give an example of the mood swings of the kids here… as of today, there are about two or three girls mad at me for reasons I’m not so sure of… however, most likely they will be over it by tomorrow sometime late afternoon. Ha. Oh the joys of drama…

Underneath…

I don’t even know how to tell you all the feelings I’ve been going through lately… Honestly, I don’t feel like I have been that productive with my time here, and I want that to change. As of right now, I don’t have the patience or energy. I’ve been so tired and short with the kids lately… I took a pretty hard hit around Christmas time, and I think I’m still having trouble picking up from where I was before my wave of homesickness. The pictures I put up do not begin to explain the struggles of the day-to-day life here at the Hogar. I don’t post pictures of the hard days… I don’t post pictures of the kids yelling at me, and I don’t post pictures of me at my worst either. I can’t even begin to explain how hard it is to deal with these kids some days… They are so beaten up inside that they have such hard shells to get through. When they’re feeling their worst, and just needing love, all they know how to do is take that pain they’re feeling inside and direct it towards other people. It’s not healthy, and these kids need people who will always be here to listen to them, but I can’t do that because, a.) my Spanish is not good enough to relay what I really want to say back to them, and b.) they know I won’t be here much longer, and c.) only a few let themselves get close, and comfortable, enough to open up about what’s bothering, and hurting them inside…

In the four months that I have been here, I have seen the “sweet” ones take turns for the worst… and some of the worst ones go from horrible to happy, and then back to horrible. For them it’s a daily struggle, ups and downs, like Indiana weather… constantly changing about how they feel about life and about themselves. In my time here, at least five children have run away, all returning except for one. The little girl who didn’t come back was one of the sweetest girls here… her mom came to visit her here at the Hogar, and talked her daughter into taking her to the bus stop, and never returned. We still don’t know how she’s doing, or if she’s even still alive. She was taken away from her mother for a reason, and I don’t understand why she was even allowed to come visit. We worry that her mother had intentions of selling her daughter for sex, or selling her as a slave. I don’t know how these parents do such horrible things to their children… I hate it, and I don’t want to understand it. I just want it to stop. As of right now, there are at least two children talking about running away… it seems to be a constant thought in the minds of the kids here. They have such a good life here, but they can’t see that because they don’t want to. They want to get out there, and experience the “real” life…

I’m wearing down… I’m tired. It seems that no matter how much I sleep at night, the next morning I’m still exhausted. It’s a physical and mental exhaustion. I want to love these kids, but as soon as they see they’re letting someone in to their broken lives, they push away… because they don’t want to get too close to anyone. They don’t want to give anyone any room to hurt them again, so they don’t even allow that to be an option by keeping everyone at arms length. I know that I will not be able to connect with everyone here, but I just need prayer right now because Satan is really trying to get me down so that I can’t help these kids… I want to push through this and be the best influence and mentor as I can while I’m here. When I thought of working at an orphanage while I was in the States, I thought about taking care of babies, and feeding kids, washing clothes, and things like that… I didn’t think about all of the hurt that these kids would have built up underneath their tough outer shells. I thought that they would all love me right away… ha! Not true! There are still some children who know exactly how to make my blood pressure rise, and they do as frequently as possible. However, I am doing my best, with God’s help, to be the bigger person. It sounds easy on paper, but it’s not. I don’t have thick skin, and it really is hard for me to brush things off my shoulders...even when I know things are just said to see my reaction. I have feelings too, and in some cases I react with the same defensive mechanisms as they do… I get defensive, or say something back that I shouldn’t, or just walk away. It’s hard to be vulnerable with these kids because some of them take advantage of that vulnerability. It’s not easy for me to put myself out there with the kids, just to wait for them to make fun of the way I say a Spanish word the wrong way… I laugh at a lot of things, but underneath, it gets to me. I wish I could turn on the “I REALLY, honestly, do not care what you think or say” button, but unfortunately they, whoever “they” are, haven’t invented that button yet.

I will be home in three short months, but at the same time, I don’t want to focus on that fact. I want to make the best of my time here… I want to form as many relationships as I can with these kids… I want to make a difference, no matter how hard it is. Right now, I don’t know where to even start with some of the kids here… and I need a lot of prayer right now…

Much love, and thank you for all of your love and support back home.

♪♫ We Wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! ♪♫

Pictures from my Christmas in Honduras...

Make a Smilebox greeting

This Christmas...

Christmas Eve, all of the student missionaries had the privilege of taking bags of clothes to poor families just a few minutes down the road from the Hogar de Ninos. That was a very rewarding part of my day, because those kids really needed clothes… they got what they needed. Not what they wanted. They didn’t have piles of toys underneath a Christmas tree, they didn’t have boxes and boxes wrapped waiting for them to rip open… they just got the necessities. That in itself, had an effect on me for the rest of the day.

When we got back to the Hogar we started getting ready for devotional, however right before devotional started, the power went off. You might think that would be a bad thing, but it was so beautiful. We had the devotional with candles all around the room, and then we had a special dinner with candles on each table. It was so nice, and simple. The power came on half way through our meal, but everyone wanted to keep the lights off because it was so beautiful with all of the candles. After the meal, we went to the new park in Santa Barbara where we spent about an hour or so walking around, enjoying the Christmas lights, and goofing around with the kids.

When we got back, Marie Josie & Txus (the sisters who run the orphanage) had all of the kids waiting in the cafeteria for all of us to bring the Christmas presents in… Hannah’s church sponsored new outfits for all of the children here, but the kids didn’t know anything about it. Last Christmas, they didn’t get presents at all… so when we got back from the park, all of us Student Missionarys went to gather all of the presents to bring in with a bang. We all made paper antlers and wore them while bringing all of the presents loaded in a wheel-barrel! As soon as the kids saw the presents they leaped for joy, and screamed so loud! It was so awesome to see them so excited. My heart was filled with so much happiness for the kids… I love them all so much, and I’m getting really attached to life here, and being around my Honduran family everyday.

Christmas Day, was really different than Christmas Eve. I woke up to Elias, the youngest boy here, knocking on my door at 7:30 a.m. asking where Hannah was… and then I went back to sleep for another hour or so because I had stayed up until 3 a.m. the night before. Not a good idea. Ha. This morning we had devotional, breakfast, and then about an hour for chores. After that I decided to go and hang out with the kids… I ended up kicking a soccer ball around with one of the girls for about 2 hours, and it was so much fun. Didn’t feel like Christmas at all, but it was so simple, and fun. I was doing really well with not being homesick until I talked to my mom on the phone, and she started crying and told me how much she missed me. Tonight was really hard because things started to settle down around here… the hype and the noise came to a calm, and I decided to go out to the front porch for some alone/quiet time with God. I sat down, looked out past the soccer field, and saw one of the girls sitting out all by herself doing the exact thing that I was doing. I looked back at the sky and started talking to God about Christmas, how it feels different, and how I miss the familiar things… I hadn’t been sitting there very long before one of the older boys, Dario, came and sat down next to me. He’s one of the sweetest boys here. When he sat down, I asked him how he was doing… he answered by shrugging his shoulders. It was clear that he was sad, but I didn’t know why, and I didn’t want to ask. We just sat there, saying nothing, both looking at the sky. I wondered if he was feeling the same sort of emotions I was about being away from family… A few minutes later, the devotional bell rang, and we went back to our own little worlds. Later, when it was time for dinner, I jumped in the back of the line, and Dario let me go ahead of him, and when I sat down to eat, I looked up, and saw that he was letting every single person in the cafeteria go before him. It warmed my heart to see that… and if that’s not enough, half way through my meal I had to excuse myself to cry some homesickness tears, and when I came back, all of the dessert was gone. We don’t normally get dessert here, so it’s quite a treat when we do. Dario was sitting across from me at the table and noticed I didn’t have dessert, and he gave me the rest of his dessert! These kids are filled with love, dying to give that love away… and my heart was touched so much tonight and it makes me want to cry because I found out that the reason Dario was so sad was because he tried to see his mom the past few days, and each time, she wasn’t home… These kids are hurting, and they were missing family just like I was. Even though we didn’t say much of anything to each other on the porch, I felt like so much bonding went on in that silence.

I cannot wait to get to heaven when all sadness will be gone from our hearts. We weren’t created to be away from people we love. It’s just not supposed to be that way, and I can’t wait to be able to live with these kids ALL the time, and still have my family and friends around me as well. Heaven is going to be so amazing…

I love you all, and I miss you all, but I know I’m where I’m supposed to be right now.

Much love,

-Me

So this is Christmas, and what have you done...

This has been such a refreshing Christmas. Hannah's church family from the states sponsored Christmas presents for all of the children here at the Hogar, and it was so amazing to see their faces when opening their presents. I was so filled up just by watching their reactions, and from seeing the smiles on their faces. This has been a very different Christmas, however, very, VERY rewarding... I am getting sooo attached to these kids... it's going to be such a hard day when I have to leave...

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas.

Much love!

-Me

My Vacation in Roatan!

Two wonderful weeks spent snorkeling, relaxing, and eating American food. :)

Make a Smilebox slideshow

The much needed update! :)

Hey guys, I’m sorry it has taken me so long to get this blog updated…

The 1st of this month, Hannah, Amanda, and I went to the Bay Islands for 12 wonderful days of relaxation, bliss, and time to recharge for the rest of our time here at the Hogar. It was a great vacation. I have always wanted to see clear water, and white sand in person… and I have fulfilled the dream now!

My prayer is that wherever I travel I will let God use me, no matter if I’m on a mission trip, vacation, or whatever it may be. Well, I continued praying that same prayer in Roatan, and the first day we got to spend on the beach, we met a girl on the beach and played soccer with her and a few other people. It was really nice talking to her… but after we finished playing soccer, she said, “hey, will I see you all around tonight at the bars?” and we told her that we don’t drink, but that we might see her around on the beach again. She looked really surprised and said, “oh, are you guys Christians or something?” We said, “yes” and told her that we have been working at the Hogar de Ninos. She didn’t have much to say after that… We saw her the next day in passing… she waved and said hi, we said hi back, but we didn’t stop to really wait for an answer… the whole rest of the day I felt horrible for not stopping to talk to her. I prayed the next morning that God would give me another chance to talk to her, or to witness to her…at that time I heard a clear voice saying, “give her your Bible” and I was a little shocked, and I said, “What? Really, God? And His answer didn’t change… so I thought about how I would go about finding her, because it was Friday at this point in time, and she had said that she was leaving on Saturday. I didn’t know if I’d even be able to find her… but I told the older lady that we were staying with, and she said, “don’t give her your Bible, we can buy her a new one!” So we drove about 35 minutes to a Christian book store, and I bought her a Bible… drove back to the beach where we had planned on being all day. I knew that my chances would be better to find her if I walked around instead of just sitting on the beach… but I didn’t feel safe going anywhere by myself… so, I sat on the beach where we had first met her, and prayed. I prayed, and prayed and prayed, and when I finished praying, I turned to look behind me, and there she was! She was walking by on her cell phone. I ran over to her and said, “hey, this is going to sound really strange, but I have something for you!”. She was really surprised, and I told her the whole story, and she said, “do you think I’m bad?” and I said, “no no, it’s not like that at all! I really don’t know why God asked me to give you a Bible… but, even if you already have a Bible, know that this one was purchased just for you.” After I explained a little bit more, she started to thank me… I don’t know if I will ever know why God had me give her a Bible, or if she was offended… I just know that I heard God’s voice telling me to give her a Bible… and listening to that voice was the most important thing to me. I guess some things we just have to wait for heaven to fully understand… but I believe that everything happens for a reason. I would really appreciate it if you all could keep her in your prayers. I don’t remember her name… but God knows.

The rest of the vacation consisted of relaxing on the beach, snorkeling, and cooking/baking, and eating lots and lots of American food. :)

When we arrived back to the Hogar, there was a group from Andrews University here. They have been coming every year for nine years now. Last week, while the group was here we had FLAG Camp. (Friends Learning About God) I ended up teaching the music class with another Student Missionary, and playing the keyboard for morning worship every morning. It was a really great week. Also, last Friday night we had the opportunity to be on one of the local tv stations here, and so, we (Hannah, Amanda, and I) put together a small choir from the Hogar, and we had a program on a live tv station! It was a really awesome experience. I was behind the scenes conducting for the choir… which was perfect for me, because I am way more comfortable behind that camera.

This last week has made me realize how much fun it is to teach, and also how tiring it is… and how teaching the same things five times a day for five different classes is exhausting… However, I realized that my last classes were always the most put together because I had so much practice teaching the material already! Ha. :) Camp started on Monday and ended on Thursday. Thursday night we had a presentation for family and friends at the church… the whole week I taught them different musical terms at the beginning of class, and the second half of class we taught the kids a new song. So, for the program I had asked the kids to share some of the key terms we learned throughout the week, and then they sang two Christmas carols. It went really well. I was proud of them! :) Then Friday was a field day which was really fun for all of the kids, and it was great for getting all of their energy out as well.

The group from Andrews stayed here for 10 days, and yesterday we went with them to a water park about 3 hours away… it was so much fun. It rained the whole day, but that didn’t stop us from swimming, going down the slides, and body surfing in the ocean. :) It was a lot of fun to have the group here, and to have an extra boost of energy here as well. We all had to say the sad goodbyes last night… it gave me a taste of what I’m going to have to go through when I leave these kids behind… the group was only here for 10 days, but all of the kids were so sad to see them go, and some took it harder than others and were crying tears that made me want to start crying with them. Sometimes I forget what I have here… I have a family away from home. I have a date to look forward to for my home in the States, but what I had been forgetting is how much these kids really do mean to me… and it took last night to realize how hard it is going to be to say goodbye to them in April. Sure, I miss home, and I miss my family, but I know that it is going to be such a sad day when I have to go home. I will be so happy to see my family and friends when I go home, but these kids have touched my heart, and they all have a place in my heart now… and I’m going to miss them so much when I leave… sometimes it’s hard to see past the hard days, past the bad attitudes, past the drama, but I know that God placed me here for a reason. And I have already done so much growth in my spiritual life, and I don’t even feel like the same person as I was when I first arrived here to the Hogar.

I’m not sure what my future holds… but all that is important to me anymore is leaving everything in God’s hands. I can’t thank you all enough for helping me get here, and for keeping me in your prayers. I am so blessed to be here, and to have you all as friends.

<3

Just a taste of Roatan...

Just a taste of Roatan... more pictures to come... for now, it's time for me to head off to bed. :)

Vacation to Roatan! :)

Hey guys, sorry that I didn't post anything before leaving for vacation for two weeks. Had a great time in the Bay Islands... and I will try to write a longer blog later telling you all about it.

Hope you are all doing well and enjoying the Christmas season. Enjoy the cold weather for me... I miss it!

Much love,

-Me

American food is yummy... :)

Thanksgiving dinner, Honduras style. Still American food though. :) I didn't think that it would work out for us to do Thanksgiving dinner, but thanks to some last minute planning it worked out great!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Thanksgiving...

So many times, it is so easy to take friends, family, things, and warm beds for granted. This year I am realizing how much I took for granted in years past, and just how little I really appreciated the people and things around me. This Thanksgiving is, and will be different. I wish that I could be with my friends and family, and enjoying conversation along with a good home-cooked meal, but this year God has different plans for me. I find myself complaining about little things here and there, but I have a bed, a shower, and food on my plate every day. I really have nothing to complain about. Sure some days the kids get on my nerves, and other days the staff make me frustrated...but there's a bigger picture involved here...it's not about the here and now, it's about the progress and the work, and the end results of the hard days...

I found out last Thursday, 11/19/09, that a fellow student missionary on the island of Yap was murdered. We're living in a sinful world, and we must love while we can, we must choose to appreciate while we can, and we must choose to live our lives to the fullest while we can. Even though I didn't know her personally, I took, and am taking, the news very hard...she was on the front lines of the battlefield. She was doing God's work, and the enemy wanted to stop her. Going out as a student missionary is not always a safe thing to do, but she died working for the Lord, and I am so proud of her.

I know that it's hard to see the reasons for why God allows some of these horrible things to happen, but I was thinking about it... and I came to the conclusion that even tho' we can't always see the reasons behind the horrible things... everything that happens is just part of the puzzle of life, and some pieces make more sense than other ones, but everything is coming together to form a finish in this world... and I believe that the end is near, and I know that God has reasons bigger than our understanding for every good and bad thing that happens...

I am thankful to be alive and working for the Lord. We must live everyday for the Lord, no matter where we are...time on this earth is short, and we never know which day will be our last. Please keep the Wolcott family in your prayers...they will be needing all the extra prayers they can get, especially around the Holidays...

Much love,

Laurel

These days...

I miss school. I miss studying. I miss practicing the piano. I even miss lectures! Being away from the things I took for granted made me miss and appreciate them all the more. When performing the piano at recitals I would always get so nervous, but now, I want to share my talents. I’m excited to be on that stage again to make music for the people around me. Music is such a huge part of my life… always has been, and always will be. My sister and I started singing together when we were 3 and 6. Angela started singing for church at the age of 2 years old! We recorded a tape when we were 5 and 8. At school my major is music (piano performance) and I would really like to spread my performing from just piano to singing with Angela again. We have dreams of making music together and taking it on the road. When I get back to school we want to start playing (me on the keyboard, her on the guitar) and singing at little coffee houses. We’ll just have to see how things go with school and what not, but I would just love to make music with her again. I strongly believe that that is one of the talents that God gave us to share with the people around us, and I know that I didn’t appreciate singing with her when I had the opportunity… now that I am away from her, I miss it, and I miss her.

Not only have I realized my appreciation for school, but my appreciation and love for traveling. I have been bitten by the traveling bug. I’ve only been in Honduras for a little over 2 months, and I’m already aching to travel to different places! Since I’ve been here at the Hogar, I have met 5 awesome people from Germany. My friends, Ingrid and Marie, said that I could visit them whenever I wanted. I told them that maybe in the summer I would be able to visit them, but didn’t really think that it would be a possibility. I started talking to my parents about it, asking if they would be ok with me going… well, they were surprisingly supportive about it. I ended up finding a really cheap ticket to Germany, and I was able to purchase it about one week ago! I will be gone for 3 weeks, May 17-June 9. Marie will pick me up at an airport in Germany and then we will be off to see France, Switzerland, and Scotland! It has been my dream since I was a little kid to go to Scotland and visit all the castles and search for the Loc Ness. Ha. My sister and I would always talk about going to Scotland together, and I’m sad that she won’t be able to make the trip with me this time, but definitely next time.

I want to travel every summer to a different country for 2 weeks or 3 weeks at a time. I don’t just want to travel for myself, but I want to try to make a difference wherever I go, even if it’s just by being a living example… My friend Marie is not a Christian, and she doesn’t really believe in God. I have had the opportunity to talk to her about my beliefs and why I believe in the things that I do. It’s tested my knowledge and faith a lot. I have been trying to read through the whole Bible while I’m here in Honduras… I’m not very far, but it’s helping me in my spiritual growth. I want to know for myself why I believe the things I do, so that I can be a true witness to her. When I go to Germany I will have the option to either blend in, or to stand up for what I believe and be a witness.

God has been opening so many doors for me lately, and I couldn’t be happier to step through them! Dreams that I’ve had since I was little are coming true, and my life is so much more interesting. Sometimes I forget how cool God is, and think that if I want to be a Christian, I have to become boring, but that is SO NOT TRUE! God is SO awesome! I’m so excited to be working for Him and letting Him lead my life. Sure, things are not always easy, but without the hard days, I wouldn’t appreciate the good ones.

The kids here are so precious. They all need a therapist, and just someone to talk to… someone to help them through their problems and pasts. It’s so hard for me, because I am really struggling with Spanish, and so I don’t really get to be there for the kids that need someone to listen to them… but today, one of the girls wrote a letter to Hannah, my roommate, about some of the horrible things that have happened to her, and she knew that Hannah would translate it to me… in the letter the girl said, “I trust you (Hannah) and Laurel both, and that’s why I’m telling you my story…” Her letter made me so mad, angry, and sick to my stomach. She’s one of the tougher girls… and I knew exactly why she had that wall up… she was sold by her grandmother for 500 limpiras (about $35) for sex when she was just 12 years old. By her grandmother… as Hannah was reading the letter, I started to cry, as did Hannah, and her story is just one… I know that most of the girls here have been raped as well… it makes me so sick. And what can I do… I’m only going to be here 5 more months. I barely speak any Spanish, and what happens when they leave the Hogar… I pray that these kids can have a second chance at life through the Hogar. They all have the opportunity to go to college after they finish high school, and I pray that they take that opportunity. I was thinking the other day about how the kids love me one day, and completely ignore me another day… and with them, it’s normal. I was thinking how frustrating it is… right when I think I have a good relationship forming, it’s like they just leave, they forget all the progress that we made, and just go off and do their own thing… the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I do the exact thing with God. One day I will feel so close to God and talk to Him throughout my day… but on other days, I’ll wake up, and just go about my day without really thinking about God all that much. I might be here for the kids, but I have been benefiting from spiritual growth through my time here as well. I came here knowing that I would grow, but it’s really crazy how much I already feel myself changing for the better… being away from home has really opened my eyes to a lot of things…

Please keep these kids in your prayers… they really need it. They all need so much attention and love…

I miss you all, but I’m where I need to be right now.

Much love.

-Me

More pictures!

Sorry I haven't been keeping up with my updates... I will do my best to change that soon! For now, here is another slide show that my mom made! :)

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Trip to the spring...

My mom has been kind enough to make slide shows for my blog, and this one is from a trip to the spring a few weeks ago! It was so nice and peaceful in the woods and hiking to the spring. Hope you all enjoy the photos!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Growing pains...

Last Friday Hannah and I were planning on teaching Sabbath School for church the next day, and we had planned to put our lesson together sometime on Friday night. We were sitting around Friday night after worship, and one of the older girls came up to Hannah and asked her if she could teach one of the other classes for the younger children, and she said, “yes”. I realized what that meant for me… I had to do Sabbath school by myself! I had a few things highlighted in my devotional books, and some Bible verses that I wanted to share, but no topic, or real structure of any kind.

When I woke up Sabbath morning, I had a really bad ear infection/ache. I have had trouble in the past with fluids in my ears, and so I was a little concerned to be having trouble again with that same problem. It hurt so much that I was on the verge of staying home from church… I prayed, and remembered that I had a class to teach. So, I got up, got dressed, and went out to the bus. My ear was still really hurting and bothering me, but when I sat down to teach class, I had no pain for the full hour of the lesson. And, I thought that I only had enough material for about 20 minutes, but God kept giving me new thoughts to bring to the table, and new verses as well. I know that it was God helping me through the class because in the States I barely even speak up in SS (Sabbath School) class, let alone teach!

After the class was over, I went into church, and immediately my ear started hurting again! It was hurting so much that I had to go to one of the back rooms to try to relax. I laid down on the kitchen floor for the entire church service, and the pain still hadn’t left me. When we arrived back at the Hogar, I took a short nap, and treated my ear with some oils. I woke up feeling much better.

We ended up taking a trip to a beautiful river in the afternoon and relaxing there for about 2-3 hours. It turned out to be a great day.

Sometimes it’s hard to see just how much God does in my life, but it’s days like Sabbath that make me comforted knowing that God is watching over me, and taking care of me… my lessons in that might hurt a little bit, but I know I am growing so much in faith, and in my relationship with Jesus Christ. I wanted to stay home from church, I really did, but I knew that I would always wonder if I should have gone, or regretted staying… but, even though my ear hurt the rest of the church service, it was worth it if I touched just one person in that SS class. All I know is that God spoke through me, and helped me do something I normally would never do.

I know that God will keep teaching me, and helping me grow, even if it hurts a bit along the way…