The Scars Spread

The burden I feel for each and every child here at the Hogar keeps getting deeper and deeper. The more I learn about the child who was sexually abused by his/her father, the brother and sister who’s mother is a witch, the child who feels useless in this world, and the child who says they do not to believe in God anymore, just makes my heart weigh heavy with a deeper hurt than I have felt in a very long time.

When I walked into the student mission’s office I had no idea what I was signing up for… I really honestly did not. I’m not exactly sure what I had in mind when I signed up, but I just knew that God would lead me through anything and everything. This has not been a vacation in any sense of the word… to the contrary… I live in the mountains with sex offenders within walking distance in all directions of the Hogar. When I go into town I put up with men saying rude, crude, and vulgar comments, and sometimes even going to the extent of touching me. My personality has gotten stronger, my tongue quicker, and my skin has gotten a little thicker as well.

I want to be the one to tell you all that it’s not always happy sunshine and rainbows here in the mission field… there is deep and heavy stuff that goes on behind the scenes, and it’s tough to deal with on a daily basis, but that is why I am here… to be a shining light where light doesn’t normally shine. I absolutely love these kids and I have felt such a burden for them to be happy and healthy again. All of the kids here need intensive therapy, but do they get it? No, they get happy devotional songs and get in trouble when they don’t sing. I don’t think I would want to sing either if I had been through the same things these children have been through in their young lives.

I feel so helpless, not just because I only have 4 ½ weeks left to work with these kids, but also because I am not trained to deal with troubled children. Even if my Spanish was up to par… all I can do is pray, and talk to them with my horrible grammar and laugh and play with them because they’re not comfortable enough to open up to me.

These kids are crying out for help that I do not know how to give them… I want to make the best of the time I have left, but what about after I leave, after all of the volunteers leave? What happens then? I believe with my whole heart that God brought me here to Honduras with the exact group that is here right now for reasons that are so much bigger than me. God has such a plan for my life that it scares me, yet excites me all at the same time. I trust that God will take care of the kids that have opened their hearts and minds to leaving their pasts behind and who are striving to do better, and to have a relationship with Him. However, it is still going to be so difficult to leave these kids to go home to my easy life.

On top of the problems that these kids have engraved in their hearts and minds, they have to see volunteer after volunteer stay long enough to get attached, and then leave. That’s horrible… these kids need more full time staff here and therapy! Their scars are not going to go away without any help.

When I was at Southern Adventist University sitting for the two “pointless” hours in the Student Missionary class, I listened to former student missionaries say time and time again, “my year away was the most life changing event of my whole entire life, I will never regret my decision to go serve.” I sat there, secretly doubting and thinking that they were just trying to make their stories sound more dramatic. I understand now… they were not exaggerating. Especially working with troubled children who all have different personalities, different things that make them tick, and different things that set the tears falling… my eyes have been opened, my heart broken, and a new love has been unleashed from my heart, and I know it’s from God.

I need prayer… I want to do as much as possible in my time left here. I feel like a lot of time went to waste looking over things, brushing things under the carpet, but it’s time that things come to the surface and the healing begins…

God is in control, but there is a visual battle that is going on for the souls of each and every child here…I want to see these children excel, but most importantly, I want to see them in heaven…

-Laurel