Searching for my purpose…

So, I have been here in Honduras for over 3 weeks now. It feels like I’ve been here longer, but at the same time I can barely believe I’ve already been here 3 weeks! It’s so strange.

I’m not sure what I was expecting when I came here, but for some reason I thought that the kids would all be so sweet and thankful for all the volunteers that come to help them, but it’s not like that at all. I mean, there are the few kids who really do appreciate us, but there are also the kids that are not appreciative at all. I could name off a few of them right now… haha, yes, the ones who know how to raise my blood pressure real quick! Ha.

Last week, and the beginning of this week, I had been struggling with homesickness… it wasn’t fully until today that I started really realizing why I’m here… I’m not here to do miracles (although that would be cool) but to be a witness… and that’s all. I want to wash dishes the way that Jesus washed dishes. I want to play with the kids the way Jesus did… I want to show the kids that I am here to search for the good. It is always easier to see all of the negative things around me, but today I found joy in helping the kids in the kitchen, even though it wasn’t my “assigned” duty. And the kids knew that… it had been a long day, but it was so much fun hanging out with the kids, slipping around on the wet floor, drying dishes, and singing together. Only one of the boys thanked me for my help, but that one thank you was worth it all. I realized that I can complain all I want about things that happened throughout my day, but what will that accomplish? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I am slowing feeling more and more at home here… my Spanish still needs work, but the more I am just myself around the kids, the more I feel comfortable around them and at home. I am slowing picking up on more vocabulary words, but I’m hoping to quicken the language learning process soon… I’m so ready to be able to talk to these kids!

So, I mentioned earlier that last week was pretty tough for me as far as homesickness goes… but, on top of that I was sick too, and had been for most of the 3 weeks I’ve been here. I am almost completely well now. My mom was able to send some health remedies my way… THANKS MOM!! :) Since I was sick, it was easy for me to get discouraged as well… today Hannah shared a beautiful Bible verse with me that really made me start thinking.... 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 “16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” Wow, and amen! Right when I’m ready to feel sorry for myself about having to get up at 5:30 a.m. or having to try to send a few kids off to school who refuse too… it’s most than that! It’s WAY more than that… I hope and pray that in some way I can make a difference in the lives around me. I may not see the repercussions of my actions now, or I may not even know until Heaven. It’s not about me knowing now. It’s about me being a vessel for Christ, and letting Him use me in the lives of others, even if all I’m doing is supervising chores while I’m here, or helping out in the kitchen every once in awhile when I don’t have to… I was ready to come home, but now I’m excited for these next 6 months to come because I know God has big plans for me… and that is SO exciting!

I am so thankful, and grateful for all of your prayers and support. I am blessed to have you all as friends. :)

Oh, and thank you to those of you who were a part of sending my care package from Southern! It was so nice to get mail!! Also, I loved the paper that was signed by my supporting friends from Southern! Thank you guys! It brightened up my day!!

Much love,

Laurel